Me too!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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