You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
