Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
