I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
