Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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