You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Farmville is her only friend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
