If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
