FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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