My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
