idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
