oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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