I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
