all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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