yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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