I want to walk on stilts...naked
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I deserve this hangover.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
