do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
