Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
