i already hear my dad disowning me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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