When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hippo gnu deer
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
