My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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