I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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