It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
