You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
