You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
