Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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