Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
