Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
