North Korea, Best Korea!
Someone shit on the floor
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
