hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
