its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
