I think I won the penis lottery.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
