You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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