YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
