fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my nose is crying tears of wow.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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