seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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