What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
