Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
