The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
