As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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