It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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