Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
