You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
