Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
