plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
