thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
