I think scott just propositioned me for sex
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
