This is not my ceiling
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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