the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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