Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
