I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
