Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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