Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
