I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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