We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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