When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Drake has all the answers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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